No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm at about main and main street
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
