My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
