naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
