At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
