i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
