Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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