Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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