Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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