Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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