I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
