he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
