I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
