Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
