He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
