just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
