Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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