i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You have to summon your inner elephant
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
