lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
