Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
