Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
