i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
