.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
