This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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