I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
