Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
