We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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