does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I want is dick and wine.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
