were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
