I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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