Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
