matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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