I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
