I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
