There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im holly from the hills drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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