I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
