remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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