everyone is single if you try hard enough
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
