I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
