even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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