If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
