Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
