Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
