The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
