On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
