Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
