better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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