i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
