why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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