his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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