I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just pee around me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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