Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
