i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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