every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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