Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
