it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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