She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
