..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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